Without You
by Coffee Fueled Author
Summary: After a life changing day filled with chaos and utter terror, Fear spends the night attempting to come to terms with a new feeling of loneliness and despair. Oneshot Starnerve. Written as an alternate to A Light in the Darkness.
**YES. THIS IS A SHIP FIC. I APOLOGIZE IF THOSE AREN'T FOR YOU. FOR NON-SHIP MATERIAL, SEE MY MAIN STORIES SUCH AS OUT OF PLACE.**

 **As most of you already know, I receive many requests for oneshot shipfics. The one I received the most requests for was Starnerve, so I wrote and posted A Light in the Darkness. But at around the same time, I wrote this oneshot as an alternate. I have decided to post this one as well, since it has been just sitting in my folders.**

 **Remember that you are always welcome to submit shipfic requests for any ship. In fact, you can submit any kind of story request to me. Just send me a note.**

 **As always, your reviews are what encourage and inspire me. I know that not everyone enjoys ships. But please be respectful towards myself and others. Thank you so much!**

It was no use. Sleep had become impossible.

Fear laid in his bed with his gaze to the blank ceiling and breathed a mournful sigh. Though his body was still fatigued from the torturous day before, he simply could not persuade the sleep to return. It had escaped to a realm far beyond his grasp, and it had become far too clear that it was not coming back anytime soon.

He lifted his weary head just enough to catch a glimpse of the glowing numbers shining above his nightstand. The clock shrouded in darkness, it almost looked as though the digits were floating effortlessly in midair. It was still much too early for work. Unless he were to rudely awaken her through force, Riley would remain asleep for approximately two more hours. Until then, the black of night would loom throughout headquarters. Unlike the sun in the world beyond the console monitor, the ambient light of the mind was either on or off.

Fear let his head fall back into his pillow, grunting in resignation. If he was going to be awake, he might as well get up.

The lavender emotion lazily rose from his mattress, tossing the tattered bear in his hand roughly onto the pillow. His bed and his bear used to provide Fear with an all too welcome feeling of safety from all the terrors of the world. But against the stress of the day before, it just wasn't enough.

He weakly trudged across the carpeted floor, his long feet dragging with every step as he made his way to his room's exit. Just as he began to enter the door frame, the sound of a low grunt emanated from behind him.

"Fear." Anger's voice was so flat and raspy, it was hard for Fear to tell if he was truly awake or not. "Don't get up."

Fear turned to glance at the bed nestled in the far corner of the room, gazing through the darkness at the square shadow beneath its covers. Rather than voice a response, he simply lowered his head in defeat.

"You need sleep." Anger mumbled into his pillow.

To this, the lanky emotion slowly shook his head. Need it or not, it wasn't happening. He had spent the entire night waking once every hour, each time taking longer and longer to return to sleep. There was nothing he could do. He had already given up.

Anger only sighed as Fear silently left the room and exited the living quarters.

The main room was completely abandoned. All Fear could hear were the dull hums and groans emanating from the complex electronics all around. Shuffling slowly down the winding ramp, he shot a tired glance at the console, sitting alone and unused in the dark emptiness of the room. Dream duty had ended a good while ago, the worker having already retreated to their own slumber.

Fear arrived at the base of the ramp and drifted to the nearby window. He leaned his frail frame against the glass, studying the haunting blackness that stretched across the entire mindscape. The once glorious islands that surrounded headquarters were now so brittle. Where once the landmasses would provide a comforting glow in the night, they now seemed to add to the darkness in their monotone defeat.

He pressed a wide palm against the cool chill of the glass, a part of him almost wishing he could phase through and tumble into the abyss of the memory dump below. His huge eyes strained, scanning up and down every inch of Long Term Memory that he could see from his perch in a pathetic attempt to locate the two missing emotions. But with endless miles of shelving to hide them, his chances of seeing either of the two were almost non-existent.

With a shroud of moisture beginning to accumulate in his eyes, Fear slowly turned and meandered to one of the couches, sniffling and wiping a hand beneath his nose. As he passed over the stand with the controls for the memory shoot overhead, he turned his gaze to the deep gaping maw of the pipe above. He scowled bitterly at the inanimate object, blaming the tube for consuming the two emotions the day before, throwing their lives into total chaos.

Fear sat atop the pink sofa, draped his arms over his knees, and leaned his heavy head forward. He still couldn't believe they were gone. It had all happened so quickly, he had barely had enough time to process the string of events.

On the one hand, Fear mourned the loss of Sadness. Even though he and his emotional brethren really didn't understand her use to Riley's well being, she had always made herself useful when any of her coworkers were feeling down. Many years ago, when a young, bright-eyed Riley had just begun preschool, Fear had sent his host into a panic over a monster in a storybook their teacher had been reading aloud. The other kids had laughed at Riley's horrified reaction, mocking her, calling her a 'baby'. It was the first time Fear had felt ashamed of doing his job. When he retreated into the living quarters and away from the prying eyes of his colleagues, it had been Sadness who had appeared and offered a shoulder to cry on.

But at the same time, the lanky emotion couldn't help but point the blame squarely at her.

"If she just listened to Joy..." He mumbled to himself through sniffles. "If she had just stopped touching everything. If she had just behaved, they might still be here."

Joy.

Her absence was truly a devastating blow. In the darkest of times, she always had all the answers. The others looked up to the elder emotion for guidance. Now that she was gone, everything just seemed so hopeless.

Fear wrapped his long arms around his torso and let out a shuddering sigh, feeling a single tear roll across his cheek and to the floor. He closed his eyes, an image of Joy's glowing figure dancing through the darkness. Her feet glided effortlessly across the ground, her chartreuse dress twirling as she spun in place. The image drew nearer, close enough for Fear to see the individual beads in her shimmering golden skin, to see the luxurious shine through her short cerulean hair. How beautiful, he thought, was the deep calming blue in her eyes, or the bright infectious smile upon her lips. He could almost make out Joy's bubbling laughter as the image extended a single shining hand.

The instant he opened his eyes, the image disappeared. The haunting realization of her absence had once more grabbed hold of him, draining him of his hope and vitality. Few things in this terrifying world offered Fear a sense of security, a shield from the lurking demons hiding in every shadow. Joy had been his light, his guardian. She meant the world to him.

Now she was gone. No longer would she skillfully manipulate the console to bring a warm grin to Riley's face. No longer would she lift fallen spirits when all hope seemed lost. No longer would she offer Fear that glorious smile of pure glee whenever she succeeded in making him laugh.

Fear could hold his sorrow back no longer. He laid his burdened head into his hands and wept. Burning tears flowed freely down his face, shivers surged up his spine causing his entire form to rattle. He was broken beyond repair, for burning in his heart was the unwavering guilt of being so cowardly.

He had missed his chance to tell her just how much he loved her.

His mournful sobbing intensified as he focused on his failing. Now the light of his life was gone, extinguished in a freak accident, lost somewhere in the endless mindscape far away from home. He'd give anything just to see her one last time.

As he continued to cry he began to feel a calming warmth fall upon his shoulder.

"Joy!?" He squeaked, instantly raising his gaze.

But he was wrong. It was Disgust who stood before him, her petite green hand gently resting on his shoulder, her face in an expression of empathetic understanding. Just behind her was Anger, looking uncharacteristically depressed, too embarrassed of these new feelings to even look in Fear's direction.

Silently, the two emotions softly seated themselves on the couch on either side of Fear. While they weren't the type comfortable enough to offer a sympathetic embrace, they both leaned up against Fear's sides, their little way of offering comfort when they found situations such as these so awkward. Their contact and honest attempt to help the emotion in need meant everything to Fear, and he basked in the warmth radiating from his remaining two coworkers.

"It's okay." Disgust sighed, lightly patting Fear's hand. "We miss them, too."


End file.
